Sometimes it really seems like...

...someone up there wants to make things tougher for you no matter what. It really is something that happens to me quite often, when I am really content and satisfied of where I am at in life and all. Unfortunately some of these things don't last long (then again, not many things last too long *except for radiation and the universe itself perhaps*). Anyways, this week was rather intresting to me, as I got to realize for the second time how difficult it is to keep on talking with someone that lives in a completely different country to yours and that has different expectations of how you should behave as a friend and such.

It can be argued that "pen pals" or in this case "online friends" (in other words, just friends, despite the distance and all) can get really well along when they first write to each other - its very rewarding to find someone that is similar to you in some ways, but totally different in others. When this happens, you find that you can actually talk with this person for like what seems ages - you just can't stop flooding the conversation with a lot of inside jokes only you and your "pen pal" know, random thoughts, critisicm on things you both don't like, etc. And when you do find this type of person after having no friends in highschool, it really feels amazing because you both know that you can rely on each other no matter what and that in some way or another you'll always will be there for each other despite the distance and cultural differences between both.

In my case, she was the first real friend I ever had since my "so called best friend" left school and pretty much forgot about me. She cheered me up when I was feeling down, and I did the same for her. She gave me her full on support, I did too. She genuinely worried about me, so did I. We both came up with a lot of nonesensical talk whenever we got to write to each other, but it never seemed to me as if we were loosing time on it - it was the opposite: it felt so surreal to be speaking with another person overseas about similar things. Looking back to those conversations I can still smile and think of how great it was for both of us as it helped us build up more confidence, get goals for the future and become better people in general - so in a sense we healed each other. It got that strong that we even considered each other as sisters, there were so many similarities in our likes and way of thinking that it was almost scary xD

However, it seems like in other countries people have different expectations on how you should be as a friend. One of these expectations is writing/calling/speaking to this person often and overall keeping in contact with them as often as possible. But what if there was a whole ocean separating both people? Wouldn't it be more difficult to fullfill this expectation with such a big breach in between, plus the fact that you are both now really busy with your studies and your own friends? In my opinion it would, but I wouldn't judge the other person if they suddently became slower at replying back because of all of this. In fact, I wouldn't be resentful about it. My common reaction to silence coming from the other person is fear that i might have said or done something wrong (I always blame myself for things) or that something bad might have happened to the other person. 

Nevertheless, this time around evidence was enough to prove to me that it was all over and that there is probably no fix to this anymore. The worst part of it is: 1. Again, it could have been a figment of my imagination and blamed myself for something that didn't happen 2. I don't even know what I did wrong 3. I have no way to fix this unless I get the confidence to stand up and make her speak about it for once and for all. 

Where I'm trying to get to with this is, that people do have different expectations of you no matter your age, birthcountry, gender, culture, religious belief, etc. It always happens that even close friends will fall into disagreements and issues as there is always different ways of thinking between both despite the million similarities that you seem to share. However, in my case my only expectation would be that she takes the situation with a little bit more maturity and speaks openly about it to me rather than subtly hinting the problem in a short tweet (Twitter). If we get to that point then things could possibly be fixed, but at this stage it seems far from possible that she wants to speak to me about it.

Songs currently on: Toba the Tuhra - Forgive Durden, Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day, Summertime - My Chemical Romance